Lying Frozen
by Paper Bullet
Summary: Caught up in a snow storm after her near-fatal battle with 3 hollows, Rukia collapses. Hitsugaya saves her, but when she informs him she didn't want to be saved, he wonders if there's more to her than he first thought. HitsuRuki
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **Ahm. Not much to say but enjoy (:

**Lying Frozen**

_...in a field of ice._

Her body shivered, and her breath bounced inside of her lungs sharply. The icy cold ate at her skin with small pinches, until she eventually became numb. Staggering across the frozen field, the not-so-warm-anymore blood froze on her wound, at least preventing her from bleeding to death.

The loss of feeling and dead nerves made it difficult to balance, but she kept trudging through the steep snow. When the hell did it ever get this cold in the Soul Society? After her self-reliant battle against three hollows, she had managed to defeat them all, but at the cost of a few wounds, one including a large gash in her side.

In the heat of the battle, the winter winds hadn't affected her. And one would think that with a zanpakuto's element like hers, she'd be able to withstand it a little better than others. She had and still was. At least she was walking, whereas most would've dropped to the ground in shock with a few frost-bitten fingers and toes. But not to worry, this outcome would eventually find her as well. It was only a matter of time before she could no longer move _anything_--she had already became paralyzed in her arms--and would collapse into the white blanket.

Her teeth chattered, and her dry tongue swept across them, noticing how much colder they were than anything else. She attempted to lick her severely chapped lips, but ended up having to fight to get her tongue to unattach from her lip. "Hnn..." A shiver ran down her spine in ripples, and she couldn't even use her hands to rub her arms for friction.

It wasn't long before her lips were so blue and her skin was so pale that someone--if someone was actually there--would mistake her for a mannequin doll. She had been sent on this mission, alongside Kiyone. After hearing the girl's cries about how much work their captain had given her, Rukia said she could handle a measly hollow on her own. Kiyone raised a doubtful eyebrow at the petite shinigami.

"No, you can't go on a mission alone, Rukia-chan!" she had shouted in an 'are you crazy!?' type of voice.

"I'll be fine, really. If you don't think I can take down _one _little hollow by myself, however would I recover from my hurt pride?" Rukia had joked.

"Well..." There was just so much work...Rukia could handle a hollow. She had done it in the human world. "Fine, but come straight back!"

It hadn't been nearly as cold in the Sereitei, and there also had only been note of one hollow. Not three.

So now, she was slowly making her way back, Shirayuki singing a noiseless--if that were even possible--and sorrowful song. Her breath finally hitched in her all-too-dry throat, and her feet stopped moving, against her will. "N...no..." she pleaded in a raspy voice. It seemed to take forever when her legs started bending, and she fell into the powdery white slush.

Her eyes closed, and she was glad that at least she wouldn't _feel _her death. But, at the same time, how pathetic would she be if she died from the cold? A shinigami noblewoman--A Kuchiki for Christ's sake!--weakened by the weather of all things. This was ridiculous, and she wished she could somehow preserve a 'sorry' letter to her Nii-sama for being such a fool.

* * *

Hitsugaya sat at his desk, stacking his papers up neatly as he finished his work. His eyes glanced over to the _uncompleted _stack of papers by the floor. Whose were they? Matsumoto Rangiku's, of course. His eye twitched in irritation at that, and a mental image of Rangiku arriving later to explain her story popped into his head.

_"Sorry! I--uh--got caught up with some other things! And...I -hiccup-...oh, loosen up Captain! You should come with me next..." _Blah, blah, blah. And from there, she'd stray from the fact she got drunk and decided to keep getting drunker instead of working. Again.

A rapid knocking on his door broke through his thoughts. "Come in," he muttered monotonously. Oh, little miss drinks-a-lot was going to get it this time. However, he was slightly surprised to see the Captain of the 13th Division entering. He seemed out of breath.

"I need your help." Ukitake stated somewhat anxiously and walked into the room further. "It appears Kiyone let Rukia go off to fight a hollow on her own, and while she was out, a snow storm hit her region." His eyes seemed frantic, and it was obvious he was struggling to keep control. "She's been gone longer than necessary, and you'd be the best person to go--"

"I'm on my way," Hitsugaya interrupted and stood up. "Coordinates?" After receiving the details, he headed toward the place Rukia had been sent off to. His expressionless face remained, and he was among the few who could seem so...uncaring. Hitsugaya assumed she probably got lost or held up in the storm. He had no gauge or anything to compare how people reacted to weather. Him, being slightly immune to the cold, couldn't quite grasp the seriousness of a situation like this until he arrived on the scene.

Using Shunpo, he made his was through the Soul Society, and he could tell he was nearing his destination as the blizzard picked up. He hadn't been racing as if someone's life depended on it, because this was only based off of slight concern. Chances were, as stated before, she'd gotten lost or was just having a little trouble with the hollow.

Hitsugaya stopped abruptly in a field with a white covering. Snow beat down, ice mixed in with it as wind blew around crazily. He did a scan for any signs of reiatsu, but found none. This couldn't be good. Either she was no where near here, or she was seriously hurt. Flashing a few meters ahead, he cursed the thick snowfall for distorting his vision. Damn, where could she be?

A dispatch squad was being prepared and organized, but it would still be a while before a search party arrived. Walking forward at a normal pace, it seemed impossible to find _anyone _in a field this big. Calling her name out like an idiot didn't sound so dumb now that he thought of it, but he wouldn't. If she was here, she was probably unconscious. She would've felt his reiatsu and already tried to make contact. What good would some shouts do other than causing an annoying echo?

As his eyes shifted to the side, he caught a glimpse of black, the only other color in the field besides white. His eyes immediately widened slightly and he flashed over in that direction. Stopping short, he glanced down to the ground. It was only a few locks of raven-black hair, but it was enough confirmation for him. Pushing his arm into the deep snow, he felt her form. Feeling the steel-cold sensation of her skin, he wrapped his fingers around her wrist and yanked her body up.

An involuntary yelp came unconsciously from her throat at the pain of his yank. "Kuchiki!" he remarked in a stern voice. He laid her flat on her back to check for her wounds. The red ice glued to her side indicated a severe gash, and the cuts along her porcelain cheeks made him wonder how many others there were under her clothes. Picking up his communicator, he pressed the side button. "This is Captain Hitsugaya. I have Rukia Kuchiki, and she's in desperate need of medical attention. She is unable to be moved," he muttered urgently. His eyes glanced back to her side wound. The uncertainty of other wounds made him cautious, and he feared moving her would make the ice rip her skin further.

"Understood, we're on our way!" came a static voice over the device. He put it back into his clothes and turned his attention to Rukia. Placing a hand on her forehead, he noticed it was scolding hot. The shiver of her body made him think twice about waiting to move her. Rukia Kuchiki had no higher value to him than any other shinigami, but he would help any shinigami in need.

Toshiro ground his teeth together and furrowed his eyebrows at how absurdly long it was taking the rescue squad. He took note to the fact that her skin was now a tinged purple, and he placed two fingers against her neck. The slow pulsation worried him, and he made the decision to move her anyway. Picking her up, one hand under her knees and one under her shoulders, he turned around and got ready to head back.

"Captain Hitsugaya!" a call from the distance was heard. The Tenth Division's captain saw a few shinigami in odd clothing, probably to protect them from the weather, nearing him. They ran over. "How is she?"

"Unstable. She needs to be brought to the Fourth Division immediately," Hitsugaya replied.

"But sir, she may have--" the shinigami stopped as he realized Hitsugaya had already left.

Arriving at the Division Four's doors, Hitsugaya Toshiro walked through in a rush. He noticed the place was especially empty today, and wondered where all the squad members were.

"How is she?" Unohana Retsu greeted, appearing out of seemingly nowhere and leading him to a secluded room.

"I'm not sure." He set her down on the bed. His gaze averted to the thermostat.

"No, her temperature cannot be raised too fast, or else she'll go into shock." The beautiful captain walked over to Rukia's bed and started undressing her. "Could you step outside for a moment, please?"

Hitsugaya nodded and exited the room. He took a seat next to the door and stared at the stark white wall. Why was he waiting? Why was he planning on checking up on her? Maybe it was the fact that no one else was. Where was Lieutenant Renji? Captain Byakuya? Captain Ukitake? Shouldn't they have been waiting here for him to arrive, or much less be on their way? _Perhaps they followed the dispatched team._

He shook from his reverie when he heard the door open beside him and Unohana step out. He stood up and looked to her for answers.

"She has a fever, some mild gashes, and her pulse is low. After a few days of rest, she should be well enough to return back to work. I would like her to stay here until I see that she had recovered," Unohana replied with a soft smile.

Hitsugaya nodded. "Why is so empty here today?"

"It seems many have come down with a cold or the flu. While it was storming where she was, it's only cold here. So many of the squad members have been sent out to some of the sick." Why flood their hospital rooms when they could be tended to at their barracks?

Nodding yet again, Hitsugaya entered Rukia's room and closed the door behind him. He found that Rukia didn't look so purple, and her face seemed slightly at ease. Walking over to her bedside, he stared down at her coldly.

Rukia's eyes slid open, and her blurred vision only added to her confused state. Her violet irises shifted to Hitsugaya. "Wh-where am I?" she asked hoarsely.

"You're at the Fourth Division."

Tears welled in her eyes, and she turned her head away from him. This caused Hitsugaya's right eyebrow to raise slightly. "What is it?" His emotionless voice was almost scary.

Taking in a fluttery breath, Rukia closed her eyes. "I didn't want to be saved."

Toshiro's eyes widened at her almost inaudible comment, and before he could say anything, the door bust open. A couple of "Rukia!"s filled the room.

Renji, Ukitake, and Byakuya appeared all at once, crowding her bedside. Ukitake and Renji seemed more frantic than the nobleman. "Rukia, are you alright?!" Renji exclaimed from the left of her bed. He stood next to Byakuya. Ukitake stood next to Hitsugaya on the right.

Rukia glanced up to see her brother and Renji. "Renji...Nii-sama..." She felt ashamed in her position, especially when she realized she still had tears in her eyes. Not able to move her arms, she blinked profusely to rid herself of the droplets. If she wouldn't cry in front of anyone, she sure as hell wouldn't do it in front of her brother.

Unohana popped into the room. "Now, now, Rukia needs her rest. You all can come visit her later."

Renji sighed and gave one last look in Rukia's direction before leaving the room. Ukitake followed. "I'll be back tomorrow," he called to her over his shoulder.

Byakuya looked at Unohana, his eyes daring her to tell him to leave his sister. She simply smiled. "You can see her tomorrow, and she'll be as here as she is now," she assured him. Byakuya knew better than to argue with a woman like her. He gave a brief nod and left.

Unohana made her way over to the door, and before she stepped out, she looked back. "Make sure to lock her door before you leave." With that, she left.

Hitsugaya stared down at Rukia, who he assumed fell asleep judging by the way she was breathing. _I didn't want to be saved. _What...what was that supposed to mean?

* * *

Rukia opened her eyes, and took a moment to adjust them. Once she could see clearly, she nearly jerked upright in her bed. "Nii-sama!"

"Relax, Rukia." The cold man stared down at her expressionlessly. "How are you feeling?"

Rukia slumped back a little. "Fine," she replied warily. There was a long pause.

"You should not have gone out alone."

Rukia's eyes fell to her lap, and she avoided looking at him at all costs. "Forgive me, brother." She wouldn't give him her excuse, because excuses were for weaker beings. Kuchikis were not weak. A knock on the door caused Byakuya to stand from his chair.

"I must go. I will be back later," the 6th Division captain remarked and then exited the room as Renji entered.

"Hey," he greeted casually. "How ya feelin'?"

"Fine." Rukia mentally rolled her eyes; she could tell she'd be asked this all day long. There was a long pause just like with her brother, until she heard Renji's snort. "What?" Her eyes narrowed.

"You always do this. You always think you can go out on your own, and you never turn to anyone for help!" he snapped with arms crossed over his chest. His sunglasses rested atop his vibrant red hair--why he was wearing them during a dark, wintery time like this was beyond anyone.

"I thought it'd only be one hollow! You know, if I had come back just fine, you wouldn't have thought anything of it, Renji. But just because more hollows and a snow storm appeared, it's different."

"Hell yeah it's different." His hands gripped the railing of her bedside. "You got hurt! You're lucky Captain Hitsugaya found you in time! Any longer and you'd be gone." Renji ground his teeth when she looked away, and he could tell she wasn't going to take his words meaningfully. At that thought, and remembering how stubborn she was, he decided to change the subject. "Does it hurt?"

The petite shinigami glanced back at him. "No," she lied. There were dull pains in her arms and legs, and a sharp one in her side, but she didn't need anyone worrying. Before she knew it, her eyes became droopy and her vision hazy. She had just woken up, how could she be so tired?

Renji, seeing this, smirked slightly. "I'll be back later." Walking over to the door, he stopped, remembering something. "Oh, and don't give Captain Unohana a hard time. You take the medicines you're supposed to take, sleep when you're supposed to sleep, eat when..." Rukia had fallen asleep by then, and he sighed. Exiting the room, he nearly walked into Hitsugaya. Muttering an apology and bowing, he left.

The unnaturally short man walked through the door and shut it behind him. He made his way toward Rukia's bed and sat in the spot he had last night. Did she know that he couldn't sleep because of that one measly little line she had murmured? Did she know he couldn't focus on his work because he was too busy trying to figure out why she had said such a thing? Did she know it bothered him _anyone _would have such a depressing thought? No, probably not. He would ask her, but for now, she needed her sleep.

His eyes scanned her form that was covered up with a thick blanket. They stopped short on the lock of hair that fell across her face. His hand twitched slightly, wanting to swipe it back, but he didn't. It was no loving feeling that compelled him, but more like an annoyance. Why was that one single stand just sitting there out of place, so lonely and solitary, just like Rukia?...and him.

A few hours passed, and Hitsugaya was now up and walking around the room, looking at the pictures on the wall, but not _really _looking at them. When he heard a moan, he glanced over his shoulder to the waking girl without emotion. "You're awake," he commented nonchalantly.

Rukia jumped slightly, but regained her composure after she recognized the face. Her head nodded meekly, and her eyes followed him as he sat down next to her bed. "Ahm, you really don't have to stay, Captain..."

He simply stared at her, his scrutiny making her nervous. And for the third time that day, there was a silence. But a longer one than any of the previous ones. Finally, he spoke. "What did you mean?" He paused, choosing his next words carefully. "What did you mean that you didn't want to be saved?"

The Kuchiki noblewoman's breath hitched, and she instantaneously remembered what she had told him. She took a while to respond before tears started to well up in her eyes, threatening to spill over. "I...I had so much time to think while I was out there alone. And I _knew _I was going to die, and I welcomed it." Yes, she had welcomed Death's warm embrace. "There's just..." Why was she spilling everything in front of this man she didn't know, much less a superior? She was a disgrace to the Kuchiki Clan for acting so inelegant. But, she couldn't stop her words from falling out. Not even the knot in her throat could. "I killed Kaien-dono...And I screwed up Ichigo's life...I've made it so much harder for my brother to keep on doing things smoothly...I just...death would've been a blessing. For everyone."

Despite the twinge of his heart at her sorrowful words, his expression remained vacant. "You honestly think you would benefit everyone with your death? Lieutenant Abarai, Kurosaki Ichigo, Inoue Orihime, the Quincy, and your other friends...your brother...you don't think it would kill them inside if they were to lose you?" he asked in a cold tone, matching the iciness of his eyes.

And suddenly, she felt colder than she did in that field. "Well..." When he put it that way...no! She was right. Tears started streaming down her cheeks, and all of her pent-up emotions erupted. "I can never be forgiven for the pain Kaien and Ichigo endured, as well as everyone else!" she yelled angrily.

The girl's incessant rambling was laughable, had he the ability to laugh. Instead of laughing, he settled for staring at her with an uncaring look. Another long silence passed, and Rukia finally calmed down. "S-Sorry Captain, I didn't mean to go off like that." Her embarassment was the least of her worries. What if Byakuya found out?

"Kuchiki," he started. Damn, he was _not _good at this mushy-mushy talk. "Never give up the fight for living. You do, and you'll have me to answer to."

The threat was hardly able to call itself a threat, but the edgy tone in his voice made her involuntarily cringe. A knock on the door made her look up, and she forced a smile as her captain entered.

Hitsugaya nodded in recognition toward the fellow captain, and then made his way out of the room without so much as another word.

* * *

**AN: Mmmhmm. Join the HitsuRuki army!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: **Thanks!

**Lying Frozen**

_Special Assignment_

About a week went by, and Rukia had still been stuck inside of the Fourth Division. She received daily visits from Renji, Ukitake, and Byakuya, and the occasional visit from Kiyone, Sentaro, and some other friends. Not from Hitsugaya.

During her long and boring stay at the medical wing, she had plenty of time to think. In fact, that's all she did. She thought long and hard on her talk with Hitsugaya, and every day got her hopes up that he would visit her again. His cold stare and icy words contrastingly warmed her to her very core. As she was deep into thought, Unohana walked in.

"You're free to go back to work now." She smiled softly. Once she saw the young girl look up, the captain continued. "I've already informed your captain that you're not allowed to do any physical activity, and that you should take it easy." She spoke her next words very slowly. "If you do anything foolish, know that I'll have you right back in this room."

Rukia's eyes lit up and she jumped out of bed. "Thanks so much, Captain!" She bowed and exited the room, only to be greeted by a bunch of people. A bear hug from Kiyone made her breathing stop. "Nnn..." she let out, the pain in her side returning.

"Oh, sorry!" the 3rd seat replied.

Renji came over to her side. "Need help walking?" When he saw her eyes narrow, he grinned and grabbed a hold of her arm, keeping her steady.

"That's really not necessary." He ignored her anyway.

Everyone had planned on going out to eat to celebrate, but Byakuya refused for her and told them she needed to rest. After all, it was her first day home, and being the type of brother he was, he wouldn't take any risks.

So, she would be stuck in the Kuchiki mansion. It was just like the medical ward, except for more room and better food. She had gotten up to go to the bathroom once and received a reprimanding glare from Byakuya. The bathroom for goodness sake! This was irritating. She was fine. As long as she didn't do backflips and triple-twists, there'd be no harm.

But the next day, he had no choice but to allow her to go back to the division. On her way there, she tried putting on a genuine smile, thinking of happy thoughts. There weren't many, and the ones she had often led to unhappy ones. Nonetheless, she feigned happiness.

Knocking softly on her Captain's door, an immediate "Enter" welcomed her. She popped in and bowed lightly. "I'm here to pick up my work for the day, Captain."

"Ah, I see Byakuya let you out. Well, let's see..." Ukitake dug around his desk. "You can deliver these letters." He handed her a stack of envelopes. "Unless walking is too much," he joked.

Rukia refrained from rolling her eyes. "No, I'll be fine. Thank you, sir." She bowed once more and left, off to deliver the letters. Walking down the hall, she flipped through the adresses.

Division 3, Izuru Kira  
Division 4, Unohana Retsu  
Division 6, Byakuya Kuchiki  
Division 6, Renji Abarai  
Division 6, Kyo Sentai  
Division 10, Hitsugaya Toushiro  
Division 10, Matsumoto Rangiku

She gulped slightly at the last two. At least they were last and she had time to prepare for them. She headed for the third division.

When she reached it, she knocked on the Lieutenant's door three times. "Kuchiki, Rukia here to deliver mail, Lieutenant." The door opened and Izuru smiled faintly down at her. She handed him the mail and nodded her head in respect. Next, she went to the 4th Division and dropped Unohana's mail off. Then, she went to Division 6.

After giving her brother his letter, she sighed and knocked casually on Renji's door. He opened it and stared down at her. "Eh? What're you doin' up?"

"I'm not a cripple, Renji." She shoved his mail into his stomach and turned to leave, ignoring his mumbles. She then delivered Kyo's--who she didn't know--mail and headed for the 10th Division.

Matsumoto wasn't there, so she simply stuffed the two letters under her door and then reluctantly headed for the Captain's Office. She hesitated at the door. _This is silly. Why am I nervous? I'm just delivering a letter. _Knocking three times, she stood there for almost a good twenty seconds. As she raised her hand to knock again, a low "Come in" sounded from the other side. Rukia gulped silently and opened the door. She bowed and then walked to his desk, sticking her arm out meekly. "A letter from Division 13, sir." Somehow, it felt strange adressing him like that.

Toushiro, without even looking up from his work, took the letter from her hand and casually placed it on the desk as he continued writing. Rukia stood there for a moment, feeling somewhat awkward. As she was about to turn to leave, Hitsugaya spoke. "Take a seat, Kuchiki."

Rukia froze in her place. Hadn't she wanted this? Hadn't she kept hoping that the 10th Division Captain would have visited again in the hospital? So...why was she suddenly dreading this day. Reluctant, she took a seat in front of his desk nonetheless. Her hands were folded neatly in her lap, and she sat up with perfect posture.

After another minute of writing, he finally set his pen down and looked up. Icy blue eyes latched onto her violet ones, as if reading the thoughts going on in the mind behind them. "I trust you are feeling well."

"Yes, sir."

Hitsugaya sighed one short, brief sigh. "I am half-tempted to talk with Captain Kuchiki." When he saw her eyes light up in fear, he mentally nodded. That caught her attention. "So unless you want me to take such actions, I suggest you answer all of my questions honestly."

Rukia nodded. The last thing she needed was her brother watching her every move...as if he weren't already.

"I'll ask again," he began with a monotonous voice, "How are you feeling?"

"Honestly, sir, I feel fine."

"Tell me why you went alone."

Rukia was about to sigh rudely, but caught herself. "There was no detection of multiple hollows--only one. And the change of climate was undetected as well."

"Still, even against one hollow, you should have went with another squad member," he reprimanded in an emotionless tone.

"In all fairness, I was sent to the Human World to watch over Karakura Town. Before I met Ichigo, I took on many hollows by myself." When she saw his eyes narrow, hers did as well. And then she remembered who she was talking to. "Forgive me...I spoke out of place." It took all of her strength not to grind her teeth noisily.

"No, you are correct." A long silence passed after that, and he could see Rukia had something on her mind. Chances were, it was the same thing on his. "Have you found a reason for living yet?"

Rukia didn't know how to take that. It came across as somewhat of an insult, but from someone like Hitsugaya, it was probably mild concern. Still, how would she answer something like that? Had she found a reason for living, ha! It wasn't as if she was suicidal, but it was the _oppurtunity _that mattered. She had resigned herself to death at her execution, and was saved. She had resigned herself to death in the snow, and was saved. For one, she was tired of being saved. And for two, she was tired of still being alive and in situations where she _could _resign herself to death. Looking back now, maybe it was irrational. As of right now, she wasn't looking to die. She wouldn't go out of her way to find death. But, she knew that--above all else--if she were put in a situation where dying was likely, she would prefer death to being saved.

The clearing of Hitsugaya's throat made her snap out of her reverie. "Oh, sorry! Uhm...I...yes...?"

The captain breathed a long, irritated breath. "I can tell when you're lying. Contrary to your beliefs, you're not very good at it." He only took a brief pause, not long enough for her to have time to counter his statement. "I'm giving you an assignment. I won't tell anyone what it is, don't worry. However, I will inform your captain that you are to have it completed within a week and brought back to me, understood?"

Rukia nodded at the sound of his voice, full of authority. "Yes, sir."

"Come up with a list of ten reasons your death would be beneficial, and ten reasons it would not."

Rukia choked on imaginary food, and she jumped up from her seat. He was taking this whole ordeal waay too far! This was insane, ridiculous, crazy!

Hitsugaya's eyebrows furrowed at her reaction. "Is there a problem, Miss Kuchiki?" His irate tone shook slightly.

Rukia stood, dumbfounded, with her mouth open. "You can't...you can't be serious, Captain Hitsugaya!"

Was there ever a time Hitsuagay _wasn't _serious? Was there ever a time when he popped in and said "just kidding!" or anything of the sort? He thought not. "If you are going to disobey an order--"

"No...I... Yes, sir. I'll have it completed." She did well to regain her composure and mask her emotions, her voice turning solemn. "Is that all?"

"Yes. You may leave."

Rukia bowed and turned to leave, making sure she was careful not to slam the door on the way out. It felt so easy to act like she did with Ichigo or Renji when she was around Hitsugaya. She needed to fix that. How she spoke and acted could have landed her in some hot water, had it been someone different. And then the thought hit her...it shouldn't have been someone different. Hitsugaya, who resembled her brother in terms of attitude, normally would have had a fit at her improper behavior. Then again, it was just as unusual for a captain like Hitsugaya to assign such an odd assignment.

Which brought her to her next thought as she made her way back to the division... What the hell was that?! What the _hell _kind of assignment was that?! Name ten pros and cons about your life... What complete bull shit! Rukia fumed as she stomped through her division halls. Members--even higher ranking officers--made a conscious effort to steer clear of her path, not wanting to get tangled up in her wrath. When Rukia got mad, she got mad...

She stormed into her office, the thought of her assignment (as well as her built up anger) clouding her sight. She slammed the door slightly and flopped down in the chair of her desk. She whipped out a pen and paper, and began writing.

_10 Reasons Why My Death Would be Beneficial_

_1._

Heh, she should write a '10 Reasons Why Captain Hitsugaya is a Douche Bag' list instead.

* * *

**AN: Mmmhmm. Join the HitsuRuki army! Oh yeah, and excuse any typos or grammar errors. I don't have time to check over it. I will next week! Happy Christmahaunakwanzaka! -Ami**


	3. Chapter 3

**Lying Frozen**

_The Value of Life_

Rukia had taken exactly a week to write her list. It made her think...hard. It made her want to crawl in a hole and die, and it made her want to strive to live no matter what at the same time. She hadn't seen the true objective of her assignment, only the outcomes. She was so utterly distracted, and couldn't think about anything else. Even Ukitake had questioned her odd behavior, and asked if her wounds had re-opened because of that pained look on her face.

He had broken through her composure! Hitsugaya Toushiro had shattered her resolve, which she was so good at keeping. Like that, with a snap of a finger, she was frantically trying to find meaning and everything but in life. Her legs walked toward the 10th Division, and she was fuming. Her belligerent-looking eyes were glazed over with tiredness and anxiety. Her hair was frazzled, and her skin was paler than normal. She stopped in front of _his _office, and knocked twice.

"Enter."

She burst through the door noiselessly and walked over to his desk, initially standing at attention. She slammed her two scrolls of paper on his desk. "Your completed assignment, _sir_," she bit out acerbically. The sarcasm was almost tangible. She turned to leave, without paying any attention to his reaction, only to be stopped.

"Kuchiki," he called emotionlessly. "Sit."

Rukia sighed silently, cursing under her breath. She turned around and walked to the chair, sitting obediently. Her eyes watched as he undid one of the scrolls.

"Pros of living," he began. "Kiyone and Sentaro would fight nonstop if it weren't for me. Ichigo finally got to come face to face with his mother's killer. Nii-sama was thankful for finding me. I got to taste juice in a box. I met Ichigo. I met Renji. I've saved lives. I get to collect Chappi-themed items. I helped Ichigo become a stronger person. I've only begun to tame Renji." His eyebrows raised at the last one in amusement. But overall, he was disappointed. And Rukia could tell.

He unrolled the other parchment. "Cons. Kaien was killed. My division was weakened. Ichigo's human life was changed forever. My execution cost lives, pain, and betrayal. Nii-sama is burdened with watching over me. He was hurt numerously protecting me. So was Ichigo. And Renji. I will never make it to a higher rank due to my brother's influences, so what should I strive for? And for number ten…" He paused. "A life saved does not equal a life taken."

A long silence passed between them. Rukia swallowed hard as her eyes were downcast. She heard ruffling of paperwork.

"How attached are you to your division, Kuchiki?"

"Very…why?" Rukia looked up in askance.

"Because while I can't offer you the Lieutenant position you deserve, I can offer you a Third Seat."

Rukia's eyes widened, but then returned to normal quickly. "Byakuya would never…"

"Captain Kuchiki has no say in the seated positions of Division 10. He only did for Division 13 because the circumstances were--and still are--different." He could tell Rukia didn't understand. "But know this. As a Third Seat, your tasks will be much more difficult. You _will _be sent to fight hollows, even if you've been injured in the past." Because once a wound healed up, it was time to get going again. "You _will _train new recruits, and supervise your subordinates." He could tell Rukia was being overwhelmed. "Think about it, and get back to me with you decision." She was capable of holding a Lieutenant position, but there were none available among the Gotei 13, except for the 13th Division. And that would never happen. "You may leave."

Rukia nodded and stood up. After bowing slightly, she left toward the Kuchiki Manor. When she arrived, she greeted Byakuya in the sitting room. "Good evening, big brother."

"Rukia," he called. She quickly walked over to him. When his eyes shifted to the square blanket in front of him, she sat down cross-legged with her hands on her knees.

"Yes?"

"Your wounds are healed," he stated, but the question was obvious.

"Yes."

"Are you happy, Rukia?" Her mouth opened and then closed, and he knew she didn't quite understand. "Are you happy being an unranked member of your squad?"

Rukia tore her gaze away from him. What were the chances he would talk about this right after what Hitsugaya said? "It is not the rank that matters to me."

"It is the ability to strive for something greater," he presumed. And with him in the way, she had no such ability. How frustrating. But her safety did come first. And if keeping her out of an officer's position ensured said safety… No, he had to put her first for once. What _she _wanted. "You may take the exam again." The undertone of his seemingly monotonous voice told her he wouldn't intervene with the results.

Rukia nodded her head, trying to restrain a large grin from showing. "Thank you, Nii-sama." He nodded, and allowed her to leave. She bowed deeply and then rushed to her room.

Laying in her bed, she stared up at the ceiling, her hands folded behind her head. It was weird… She wanted to take that exam, because she knew she could attain the Vice Captain position…but… A Third Seat in the 10th Division sounded just as appealing. No, she couldn't leave the 13th Division. She's started there, under Kaien-dono… She had to stay there, and try to become as great as he was. _I will stay in my unit_, she mused somewhat happily. This meant she wouldn't have anymore encounters, except for the occasional passing, with Hitsugaya Toushiro. _Why the hell should that matter?_

"_I didn't want to be saved."_

* * *

"_I didn't want to be saved." _

Who says that? Hitsugaya stared at his stark white ceiling, hands behind his head. _A life saved does not equal a life taken._ It was almost ridiculous at how her logic worked. What did she mean? The souls she's saved doesn't mean Lieutenant Shiba's death is forgivable? Or even more eccentric to think, saving Lieutenant Shiba didn't make killing him worth it? Did she still, after all these years, view it as murder?

He imagined if he and his Lieutenant were in the same position. He would save Matsumoto without hesitation. He would never let her suffer like that. He would regret that she had to die, and be saddened by it eternally, but…he wouldn't regret his action. He would know that Matsumoto, if she had the ability to manifest and speak, would thank him,

Why was she so stuck on considering herself a villain? Why did the think everyone she touched was hurt? Why didn't she want to be saved? _Maybe I'll never understand her_, he thought sternly.

He had a feeling that she wouldn't take him up on his offer. She would feel like she was betraying Kaien by betraying the division. And yet, he felt the need to… What's the word? Connect? No. He couldn't think of what he wanted… But he wanted to know more about her. He wanted to know what she thought, and why she thought it.

He wondered if she had changed any over the course of the past few weeks. If she were in a life-or-death situation, would she asked to be saved? He wondered…

* * *

"I'm proud of you, Rukia. Everyone is. Kaien would have been, too." Ukitake smiled down at her.

Tears brimmed her eyes at the thought, but she pushed them back. "Thank you, Captain."

"Rukia made it! See, I told you she could do it!" Kiyone wrapped her arms around the petite girl.

"What! I was the one who said she could do it! You were all worried she would only make 3rd Seat, and there'd be three of us!" Sentaro shouted.

"I never said that!" Kiyone replied, clearly appalled. When Sentaro tried to hug Rukia, too, Kiyone pushed him away with her foot. It didn't stop him. And Rukia became sandwiched in between the two.

"Thanks…you guys," she wheezed. They let go of her at the sight of Renji.

"Hey! Congrats," the fellow Lieutenant called. He rested a hand on her arm. "Finally caught up to me, eh?" He grinned. "Well, almost. _You _haven't reached Bankai yet."

"Oh shut up," she hissed and punched him in the stomach.

"I say this calls for a celebration! Lets go for drinks!" Kiyone yelled.

"No one tell Lieutenant Matsumoto," Ukitake hurriedly added in. Hitsugaya had seemed frustrated enough lately. And he feared if Matsumoto came back drunk again…it might tip him over the edge.

"Drinks! I'll invite the captain!" Matsumoto replied.

A few eyes turned to her, wondering when she'd arrived. They then cheered, and suddenly invites were being tossed left and right.

Byakuya had ruefully accepted. Being surrounded by drunk Shinigami didn't appeal to him, but Rukia had asked him personally…

Matsumoto smiled genuinely. "I'll meet you all there." She knew her Captain would decline, but she had to ask. When she arrived at the division, he was exiting his office. "Captain! Are you done with your work?"

Hitsugaya looked up to her suspiciously. "I'm not going out."

She frowned. "But you need to loosen up, and almost everyone you know will be there!"

He raised an eyebrow. "What's the event?"

"Oh!" She had almost forgotten. "Rukia took the seated officer's test and landed the Lieutenant position. So everyone's meeting up."

Hitsugaya showed little emotion, but shock underlined his eyes. "Captain Kuchiki…"

"He finally gave in. 'Bout time, too."

"Yes," he replied absent-mindedly.

"So you'll come?" Maybe after all her years of asking…!

"No. I've got work."

Matsumoto sighed. "Alright. I'll be back later."

Once she left, Hitsugaya stared into space. This was interesting. With no one around, he allowed the slight smile to play across his face. "You've got something to live for now, Lieutenant Kuchiki."

* * *

**AN: Thanks everyone for the reviews and opinions (:**


End file.
